To the Father Who Was Finding His Footing Too

When a woman becomes pregnant and gives birth, she changes in so many tangible ways. You watch her body grow as the little life inside her develops. After delivery, she faces the lasting physical changes, the pain of healing, her body producing milk, and the drastic hormonal shifts that can continue for up to two years after giving birth.

Then there are the changes no one can see.

Her brain may no longer feel like her own. She might become more forgetful, have difficulty focusing, or process everything differently, especially if she experienced trauma at any point during her pregnancy or delivery.

So much of the attention is placed on how the mother changes and how the new baby is doing. In the process, the father is often overlooked. His transition is far less visible, far less discussed, and far less cared for.

I want to take a moment to acknowledge all fathers, but especially my husband.

Throughout my pregnancy, he was beside me for every appointment, every emergency, and every cautiously optimistic doctor’s report. He massaged my hips when I could barely walk and packed extra Tums whenever we left the house.

He was the one who rushed to the nurse’s station when my water broke in the triage room. After I gave birth, when I was severely dehydrated and potentially being prepared for another surgery, he snuck me small sips of water. I was so dehydrated that the nurses could barely find a vein to insert an IV.

He changed every one of our baby’s diapers before I was able to walk again after my C-section. He made sure I was the one who got extra sleep, even when we were both running on fumes. He learned what each of our son’s cries meant. Every night, he would pace the floor for nearly an hour, doing everything he could to calm our son and help him fall asleep.

He stood beside me through some of my darkest days of postpartum depression. When I was at my lowest and struggling to manage my emotions, he made room for them with more grace than I probably realized at the time.

Admittedly, I was so focused on surviving new motherhood and caring for our baby that I did not fully consider what the experience was like for him. We lived through the same moments, but we experienced them in completely different ways.

He did not carry the physical changes that I did, but he was still changed by the experience. He had his own pain, frustration, fear, and concern during everything we faced together. His poker face was simply better than mine.

He was trying to find his footing as a new father while I was trying to find mine as a new mother. He came into parenthood with his own ideas, boundaries, instincts, and standards. His experience was challenging too, just in ways that were easier for others to miss.

While everyone was focused on checking on me and P, people often forgot to check on him. I mean really check on him. It was not intentional. It is simply how we tend to function. We can physically see a mother enduring some of the hardest parts of pregnancy, birth, and postpartum life. A father’s experience is often quieter and more hidden.

To all the amazing fathers out there, I see you.

Your transition matters too. Your sacrifices matter. Your fears, exhaustion, growth, and love deserve to be acknowledged.

And to my husband, thank you for being there through every version of me and for becoming a father alongside me.